Get ready to see the funniest side of humor with these hilarious eye jokes! Whether you’re rolling your eyes or laughing until you cry, these puns and one-liners are a sight for sore eyes. From clever wordplay to silly punchlines, these jokes will have you looking at humor in a whole new light.
Eye Jokes
Why did the eye go to school?
To improve its pupil performance!
Why was the eye always calm?
It had great vision control.
I asked my eye doctor for dating advice…
He told me to look for signs.
My eyes started a band.
They called it “The Iris-tocrats.”
Why did the eye go broke?
Too many contacts, not enough focus.
My eye keeps telling jokes…
I think it’s trying to be punny-sighted.
Why don’t eyes ever get lost?
They always follow their pupils.
What’s an eye’s favorite movie genre?
Anything with good focus!
The eyeball tried stand-up comedy…
But the audience couldn’t see the humor.
I asked my eye if it liked me…
It blinked twice.
I opened an eye-themed restaurant…
Business is looking up!
Why was the eye always invited to parties?
It had great vision for fun.
The eyes formed a union.
They wanted better sight conditions.
Why did the eyeball bring a ladder?
To see eye-to-eye with the moon.
My eyes hate onions…
They always cry under pressure.
What do you call a group of stylish eyes?
The Spectaculars.
The eye couldn’t find its contact lens…
So it looked around. Literally.
I stared at my coffee too long…
Now I have espresso vision.
What did one eyeball text the other?
“I only have eyes for you.”
The optometrist opened a bakery.
All the muffins had perfect eyedentity.
Why do eyes love mysteries?
They’re always watching.
I gave my eye a compliment.
It looked flattered.
Why did the eye fail the test?
Too much pupil distraction.
The eye opened a gym…
Called 24/7 Vision.
I tried tickling my eye…
It blinked and said, “No touchy!”
My eye met a mirror and said…
“Hey, good looking!”
Why was the eye a great detective?
It never missed a wink of evidence.
I bought a new eye cream.
Now my sight feels moistur-eyes’d.
Why don’t eyes tell secrets?
They might give you the blink!
What do you call an angry eyeball?
A mean look!
I asked my eyes how they were feeling.
They said, “See for yourself.”
Why did the eye go on vacation?
It needed a change of scenery.
What’s an eye’s favorite sport?
Eye-ronman triathlons.
The eye started reading poetry…
Now it’s all about deep looks.
Why don’t eyes ever argue?
They’d rather keep their pupils calm.
My eye told a story last night…
It was a real tearjerker.
The eye got a tattoo…
It said “Visionary.”
Black Eye Jokes
I slipped on a banana peel like in cartoons…
Now my eye’s living the animated life.
My pillow fought back last night…
It won with a black eye knockout.
Practiced ninja moves in the dark…
Furniture 1, me 0.
Tried boxing for fitness…
Turns out I’m fit to receive punches.
Tripped over my dog’s toy…
He barked once. I blinked twice.
Argued with a ceiling fan.
It had a strong comeback.
Tried to open a soda can with flair…
Now my eye’s carbonated.
Asked my little brother to play catch…
He threw the ball, not the idea.
Practiced headbanging for a concert…
Forgot I was under a low ceiling.
Told my mom I don’t need a helmet…
She said, “Told you so” to my black eye.
Gave a squirrel a mean look…
It gave me an acorn-powered uppercut.
Took a selfie mid-fall…
Captured the moment my eye met the floor.
Argued with my Roomba…
It swept the floor—with me on it.
Walked into a broomstick prank…
Harry Potter would be proud.
Tried popping a balloon with my face…
Turns out, that’s not the best method.
Practiced karate on a piñata…
It struck back—with candy and pain.
Misjudged a basketball rebound…
Now my eye’s part of the scoreboard.
Played fetch—with myself…
Tripped on the return.
My sunglasses hit me back…
For all the times I dropped them.
Thought I could dodge a frisbee.
I thought wrong.
Played hide and seek with a wall…
It found me first.
Attempted parkour on the couch…
The lamp filed a complaint.
Sat on my glasses…
Now my eye sees stars.
Tried impressing someone with breakdancing…
The floor broke me instead.
Poked my eye while brushing my hair…
Stylish and swollen.
My drone “followed me”…
Right into my face.
Told my sister her cooking needs work…
Now my black eye’s seasoned.
Practiced my wedding dance too early…
Face-planted into forever alone.
Tried on a motorcycle helmet…
Without unbuckling it first.
Cross Eyed Jokes
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
Because she couldn’t control her pupils!
What do you call a cross-eyed snake?
A viper with a split focus!
Why did the cross-eyed golfer bring two balls?
In case he saw a double fairway!
How does a cross-eyed person flirt?
“Hey, I can’t take my eyes off you… or anything else!”
Why don’t cross-eyed people play hide and seek?
Because they’ll never find themselves!
What’s a cross-eyed chef’s specialty?
Scrambled vision!
Why did the cross-eyed man get kicked out of the library?
He kept reading between the aisles!
What’s a cross-eyed detective’s biggest challenge?
Following two leads at once!
What’s a cross-eyed artist’s favorite style?
Impressionism—because everything looks blurry anyway!
Why don’t cross-eyed people get into staring contests?
They always lose focus!
What’s a cross-eyed photographer’s worst nightmare?
Trying to center the subject!
Why did the cross-eyed man fail his driving test?
He kept merging into himself!
What’s a cross-eyed gardener’s favorite plant?
A double petunia!
Why did the cross-eyed referee get fired?
He kept calling fouls on the wrong team!
What’s a cross-eyed fisherman’s biggest catch?
Two fish at once—or so he thinks!
Why did the cross-eyed man bring two umbrellas?
He thought it was raining in stereo!
What’s a cross-eyed DJ’s biggest problem?
Mixing two tracks at the same time—literally!
Why don’t cross-eyed people play darts?
They keep hitting the bullseye… on the wrong board!
What’s a cross-eyed barber’s specialty?
The accidental mohawk!
Why did the cross-eyed man take up archery?
He wanted to hit two targets with one arrow!
What’s a cross-eyed magician’s best trick?
Making one rabbit look like two!
Why did the cross-eyed man fail geometry?
He couldn’t see straight angles!
What’s a cross-eyed tailor’s worst mistake?
Sewing two sleeves on the same side!
Why don’t cross-eyed people play poker?
They always think they have a pair!
What’s a cross-eyed astronomer’s favorite discovery?
Twin stars—even if they’re just one!
What’s a cross-eyed comedian’s biggest challenge?
Keeping a straight face—literally!
What’s a cross-eyed carpenter’s worst mistake?
Hammering two nails into the same spot—twice!
Why don’t cross-eyed people play chess?
They keep moving two pieces at once!
What’s a cross-eyed pilot’s biggest fear?
Landing on two runways simultaneously!
Why did the cross-eyed man get lost in the mall?
He kept following the wrong “Exit” signs!
What’s a cross-eyed baker’s specialty?
Double-layered cakes—whether he meant to or not!
Why did the cross-eyed man fail at bowling?
He kept aiming for two lanes at once!
What’s a cross-eyed mechanic’s worst mistake?
Fixing the same problem twice—on the same car!
Why don’t cross-eyed people play tennis?
They keep serving to the wrong court!
What’s a cross-eyed librarian’s biggest problem?
Shelving books in two places at once!
Why did the cross-eyed man bring two resumes to the interview?
He thought the job required double vision!
Eye Doctor Joke
Why did the eye doctor break up with his girlfriend?
He just couldn’t see a future together.
What’s an optometrist’s favorite type of music?
Pup-ular hits!
Why did the eye doctor carry a ladder?
To check for high eye pressure!
What do you call a nervous eye doctor?
A retina wreck!
What’s an optometrist’s favorite exercise?
Eye-robics!
Why did the eye doctor bring a map to work?
In case he lost his focus!
What’s a lazy eye doctor’s favorite phrase?
“I’ll get around to it.”
What’s an optometrist’s favorite comedy?
“A Sight for Sore Eyes!”
Why did the eye doctor go broke?
He couldn’t focus on his finances.
What’s an eye doctor’s favorite horror movie?
“The Blob”—because it’s all about floaters!
Why did the eye doctor get a dog?
To help him retina his sanity!
What’s an optometrist’s favorite dance move?
The cornea shuffle!
Why did the eye doctor refuse to fight?
He didn’t believe in black eyes.
Why did the eye doctor bring a fishing rod to work?
To catch floaters!
What’s an eye doctor’s favorite dessert?
Iris-cream!
Why did the eye doctor get locked out of his house?
He forgot his pupil-key!
What’s an optometrist’s favorite board game?
I Spy!
Why did the eye doctor get promoted?
Because he had *20/20* vision for success!
What’s an eye doctor’s favorite superhero?
Opti-Man—saving vision one patient at a time!
What’s an optometrist’s favorite drink?
Tears—because they’re always on tap!
Why did the eye doctor refuse to gossip?
He didn’t want to spread rumors—or pink eye!
What’s an eye doctor’s favorite type of party?
A pupil-dilation celebration!
What’s an optometrist’s favorite sport?
Eye-ce hockey!
Why did the eye doctor bring a ladder to the beach?
To check for high tides—and high eye pressure!
What’s an eye doctor’s favorite magic trick?
Making astigmatism disappear!
What’s an optometrist’s favorite car?
A Pupil-Out!
What’s an eye doctor’s favorite vacation spot?
The Cornea-l Islands!
Why did the eye doctor fail at comedy?
His jokes had no pupil appeal!
What’s an optometrist’s favorite type of shoe?
Iris-soles!
What’s an eye doctor’s final advice?
“Keep an eye out for more jokes!”
Funny Eye Jokes
What do you call a dinosaur with good vision?
A See-Rex!
Why did the cornea apply for a job?
It wanted to see a better future.
What’s an eye’s favorite exercise?
I-sometrics!
Why did the pupil get detention?
It couldn’t focus in class.
What do you call a sneaky eyeball?
A spy-optic!
Why did the eyelash go to therapy?
It had attachment issues.
What’s a pirate’s least favorite eye condition?
Dry eye—because he hates no tears!
Why did the optometrist carry a ladder?
To check for high eye pressure!
Why don’t eyeballs ever get lonely?
Because they always come in pairs!
What’s a vampire’s favorite eye part?
The bloodshot!
What’s an eye’s favorite type of music?
Pup-rock!
Why did the eyeball refuse to fight?
It didn’t want to get black-eyed!
What’s a ghost’s favorite eye condition?
Floaters!
What do you call a nervous eyeball?
I-ritated!
Why did the iris get promoted?
Because it always colored outside the lines!
What’s an eye’s least favorite vegetable?
Peas—they’re always staring back!
What’s an eye’s favorite game show?
Wheel of Retina!
Why did the eyelash win an award?
It had flawless extensions!
What do you call a sleepy eyeball?
Drowsy vision!
Why did the pupil get a ticket?
It was dilated in a no-parking zone!
What’s an eyeball’s favorite social media?
Iris-stagram!
Why did the cornea start a band?
It had perfect pitch!
What’s a cyclops’ biggest insecurity?
Single vision discounts.
Why did the eyelid fail math?
It kept dropping its numbers!
What’s an eyeball’s favorite dessert?
I-scream!
Why did the eyelash go to Hollywood?
It wanted to be in fluttering pictures!
What’s a lazy eyeball’s favorite phrase?
“I’ll look into it later.”
Why did the pupil get a job at the bakery?
It loved rolling dough!
What’s an eyeball’s favorite sport?
I-ronman competitions!
Why did the iris get kicked out of the art class?
It kept coloring outside the lines!
What’s an eyeball’s final thought before bed?
“I’ll see you tomorrow!”
One Eye Jokes
Why did the one-eyed man refuse to play poker?
He was tired of people saying he had a tell.
What’s a pirate’s least favorite exercise?
Eye-robics. (He can only do half!)
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
A Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Why did the one-eyed man get kicked out of the library?
He kept winking at the books.
What’s a one-eyed chef’s specialty?
Half-baked ideas.
Why don’t one-eyed men like hide and seek?
Because good hiding spots are hard to spot.
What’s a one-eyed dog’s favorite trick?
Playing fetch—but only in one direction.
What’s a one-eyed pirate’s favorite movie genre?
Rom-coms—because love is blind anyway.
Why don’t one-eyed men play darts?
They can’t aim for the bullseye.
What’s a one-eyed cat’s biggest fear?
Two-eyed mice.
Why did the one-eyed man become a photographer?
He loved one-shot moments.
What’s a one-eyed fish called?
A see-bass.
Why did the one-eyed man bring two umbrellas?
He thought it was raining sideways.
What’s a one-eyed man’s favorite type of joke?
Wink-wink humor.
Why did the one-eyed man refuse to duel?
He didn’t believe in firing squints.
What’s a one-eyed owl’s problem?
He only whooos half the time.
What’s a one-eyed boxer’s signature move?
The half-blind hook.
Why don’t one-eyed men like kaleidoscopes?
They half the fun.
What’s a one-eyed man’s favorite magic trick?
“Now you see me… now you don’t!”
What’s a one-eyed bee called?
A honey-see.
What’s a one-eyed ghost’s favorite prank?
Boo-ging people from one side.
Why did the one-eyed man bring two tickets to the concert?
He thought it was double vision night.
What’s a one-eyed man’s favorite board game?
Monopoly—because he always half-invests.
Why don’t one-eyed men like 3D movies?
They only get one-third of the experience.
What’s a one-eyed man’s favorite drink?
Single-malt whiskey.
Why did the one-eyed man bring two pairs of glasses?
He wanted a backup lens-pective.
Why don’t one-eyed men like sunsets?
They only half appreciate them.
What’s a one-eyed man’s favorite sport?
Ping-pong—because the ball keeps coming back.
Why did the one-eyed man become a poet?
He loved half-rhymes.
What’s a one-eyed man’s final thought?
“I should’ve seen that coming.”
