Whether you’re a caffeine connoisseur who savors every sip or someone who just needs that first cup to become human, we’ve handpicked the finest roast of coffee humor just for you! These steaming hot jokes will perk up your mood faster than a double shot of espresso. From bean-related puns to brew-tiful one-liners, this collection is guaranteed to espresso your funny bone!
Coffee Jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
I like my coffee like I like my mornings…
silent and uninterrupted.
What do you call a sad coffee?
A depresso.
Why don’t coffee beans ever win races?
They always get grounded first.
How does coffee flirt?
“You’re brew-tiful!”
Why was the coffee bean embarrassed?
It saw the tea leaf!
What’s a coffee’s favorite exercise?
The espresso press!
Why did the barista get arrested?
For dealing grounds!
How do you know when coffee needs a break?
When it starts looking roasted.
What did the coffee say to the cream?
“You complete me.”
Why did the coffee pot apply for a job?
It wanted to percolate in society.
Why was the latte always calm?
It had good foam control.
What’s a ghost’s favorite coffee?
Boo-rista special blend!
How does Santa like his coffee?
Elf-brewed!
What’s a coffee’s favorite dance?
The macchiato!
Why did the coffee go to therapy?
It had too many issues.
What do you call stolen coffee?
A proper-tea crime!
Why was the cold brew so confident?
It had great self a-steam!
What did the coffee say to the sugar?
“You’re sweet, but I need space.”
Why don’t coffee makers ever get lonely?
They always have mugs around.
What’s a barista’s favorite music?
Pour-over rock!
Why was the espresso always tired?
It was over-extracted.
What do you call a nervous coffee?
A jittery java!
Why did the coffee get a promotion?
It always delivered a strong performance.
What’s a coffee’s favorite movie?
“The Grind”!
Why did the coffee bean go to school?
To get a little culture.
What do you call a coffee that works out?
A flex-presso!
Why was the French press always stressed?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What did one coffee filter say to the other?
“You’re full of grounds!”
Why did the iced coffee break up with the hot coffee?
They needed some space.
What’s a coffee’s favorite social media?
Insta-gram – of course!
Why was the decaf so boring?
It had no personality.
What do you call a coffee that tells the future?
A psychic-cup!
Why did the coffee shop close?
It couldn’t espresso itself properly.
What’s a vampire’s favorite coffee?
Neck-presso!
Why was the coffee always invited to parties?
It was great at perking people up.
Best Coffee Joke
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged three times today!
Why don’t coffee beans tell secrets?
They always spill the beans when ground!
How do you know coffee is rich?
It lives in a penthouse suite-a!
What did the coffee say to the barista?
“You complete brew!”
Why was the coffee always calm?
It practiced daily aero-press-m!
What’s a coffee’s favorite workout?
The espresso press!
Why did the decaf coffee cry?
Nobody took it seriously.
How does coffee answer the phone?
“Yellow? It’s Brew-ce Willis!”
Why did the coffee apply for a job?
It wanted to earn some proper-tea!
What’s a barista’s favorite movie?
“The Grindfather”!
Why was the French press always stressed?
Too much pressure to perform!
What do you call a nervous espresso?
A jittery little bean!
Why did the coffee go to school?
To get a little mug smarter!
What’s coffee’s favorite exercise?
Running on bean power!
What do you call a coffee detective?
Sherlock Foams!
Why was the latte always invited to parties?
It was great at frothing up fun!
What did the coffee say to the cream?
“You’re my perfect matcha!”
Why don’t coffee makers get lonely?
They always have mug friends!
What’s a coffee’s favorite song?
“Pour Some Sugar On Me”!
Why did the espresso get fired?
It was too intense for the workplace!
Why was the coffee bean a great comedian?
It had perfect roast material!
What’s a vampire’s favorite coffee?
Neck-spresso!
Why did the coffee get promoted?
It always percolated to the top!
What do you call a coffee workout?
A grind session!
Why was the pour-over coffee so wise?
It had great filter!
What did one coffee bean say to another?
“You’re bean amazing!”
Why did the iced coffee get in trouble?
It was too cool for school!
What’s a coffee’s favorite social media?
Insta-gram (of course)!
Why was the Turkish coffee so confident?
It had great grounds to stand on!
What do you call a psychic coffee?
A fortune-tella!
Why did the coffee shop band break up?
They couldn’t espresso themselves!
What’s a snowman’s favorite coffee?
A melt-ccino!
Why was the coffee always happy?
It lived life to the fullest (cup)!
What did the coffee say at sunrise?
“Time to rise and grind!”
Dad Joke Coffee
Why did the coffee bean go to therapy?
It had too many ground issues!
What do you call a nervous coffee?
A jitter-bug!
Why did the espresso file a police report?
It got mugged!
How does coffee like its eggs?
Sunny-side brew!
What’s a coffee’s favorite exercise?
Calf-presso raises!
Why don’t coffee beans ever win races?
They always get ground first!
Why was the French press always calm?
It knew how to press on!
Why did the barista get promoted?
She had the proper-tea skills!
What’s a ghost’s favorite coffee?
Boo-rista special!
How do you know coffee is rich?
It lives in a penthouse suite-a!
Why was the latte always invited to parties?
It was great at foam-ing!
What’s a coffee’s favorite dance?
The mocha-rina!
Why did the cold brew get detention?
It was too cool for school!
What do you call stolen coffee?
A proper-tea crime!
Why was the decaf depressed?
Nobody gave it any shot!
What’s a barista’s favorite music?
Pour-over rock!
Why did the coffee go to school?
To get mug smarter!
Why was the coffee filter always stressed?
It had too many grounds for concern!
What’s a snowman’s favorite coffee?
Melt-ccino!
Why did the coffee file for divorce?
There was too much percolation!
What did the coffee say to the donut?
“You’re my sweetest matcha!”
Why was the coffee machine always tired?
It was overworked!
What do you call a psychic coffee?
A fortune-tella!
Why did the coffee get a standing ovation?
It gave a stir-ring performance!
What’s a coffee’s favorite movie?
“The Grindfather”!
Why did the espresso get fired?
It was too intense!
What do you call a coffee workout?
Bean fit!
Why was the Turkish coffee confident?
It had strong grounds!
What did one coffee bean say to another?
“You’re bean amazing!”
Why don’t coffee makers get lonely?
They always have mug company!
What’s a vampire’s favorite coffee?
Neck-spresso!
Why was the pour-over so wise?
It had great filter!
What did the coffee say at sunrise?
“Time to rise and grind!”
Why did the coffee bean refuse to fight?
It didn’t want to get roasted!
Barista Joke
Why did the barista get promoted?
She had the proper-tea attitude!
What’s a barista’s favorite pickup line?
“You’re bean on my mind all day!”
How does a barista apologize?
“I’m spro sorry about that!”
Why did the barista win the marathon?
She had endless pour!
What’s a barista’s favorite workout?
Calf-presso raises!
Why don’t baristas ever get lost?
They always follow the brew-tiful path!
How do baristas stay calm?
They press on like a French press!
Why was the barista always cold?
She worked with too many iced coffees!
What’s a barista’s favorite dance?
The Macchiato!
Why did the barista get in trouble?
She kept spilling the beans!
How do baristas answer the phone?
“Yellow? It’s your daily grind calling!”
Why was the barista always broke?
She couldn’t espresso herself properly!
What’s a barista’s favorite movie?
“The Grindfather”!
Why did the barista bring a blanket to work?
For cozy latte art!
How do baristas make decisions?
They weigh their options carefully!
Why was the barista always invited to parties?
She knew how to pump things up!
What’s a barista’s favorite song?
“Pour Some Sugar On Me”!
Why did the barista go to therapy?
She had too many filter issues!
What’s a barista’s favorite sport?
Mug shot put!
Why was the barista always happy?
She lived life cup half full!
How does a barista make friends?
She brews relationships!
Why did the barista get arrested?
For dealing grounds!
What’s a barista’s favorite magic trick?
Turning espresso into cappuccino!
Why was the barista always tired?
She was over-extracted!
How do baristas stay in shape?
Daily grind workouts!
What’s a barista’s favorite pet?
A purr-colator!
Why did the barista start a band?
She had perfect tamping rhythm!
What’s a barista’s favorite vacation?
Costa del Sol!
Why was the barista always clean?
She practiced steam-lined hygiene!
How does a barista write love letters?
With pour-fect penmanship!
Why did the barista cross the road?
To get to the other sipper!
What’s a barista’s favorite fairy tale?
“Beauty and the Brew”!
Why was the barista always prepared?
She had backup beans!
How do baristas solve problems?
With cold brewtality!
What’s a barista’s final wisdom?
“Life happens… coffee helps!”
Cafe Jokes
Why did the café hire a gardener?
To handle their espresso plants!
What do you call a café for chickens?
A cluck-a-latte!
Why did the croissant apply for a job at the café?
It wanted to roll with the pros!
How does a café answer the phone?
“Yellow? Brew-niverse Café speaking!”
What’s a café’s favorite workout?
Latte raises!
Why did the café install a mirror?
So customers could reflect on their coffee choices!
What do you call a café that only serves cold drinks?
Chill-ax Café!
Why was the café clock always happy?
It loved tea time!
How do café workers stay cool?
They fan their cappuccinos!
Why did the café owner become a musician?
He loved the sound of brewing!
What’s a café’s favorite movie genre?
Roast-er flicks!
How does a café say goodbye?
“See you to-mocha!”
Why was the café door always tired?
It was constantly hinge-ing on customers!
What do you call a café for dogs?
Puppy-ccino Palace!
Why did the café menu get detention?
For food fighting!
What’s a café’s favorite sport?
Scone tossing!
Why was the café plant so happy?
It got daily pour-overs!
How do café workers communicate?
Through steam signals!
Why did the café chair get promoted?
It had outstanding support!
What’s a café’s favorite magic trick?
Making money espresso-nally disappear!
Why was the café window so smart?
It had pane-ful observations!
How does a café stay in business?
By filtering out the competition!
Why did the café thermometer quit?
It couldn’t handle the pressure!
What do you call a café for ghosts?
Boo-rista’s Haunt!
Why was the café napkin always depressed?
It felt disposable!
What’s a café’s favorite game?
Mug-ic tricks!
Why did the café light bulb break up with the lamp?
It needed space to shine!
How do café owners stay rich?
By saving their beans!
Why was the café spoon a great comedian?
It had stir-ling reviews!
What’s a café’s favorite weather?
Pour-ing rain!
Why did the café cookie go to therapy?
It had chip on its shoulder!
How does a café stay clean?
With mop-uccinos!
Why was the café calendar popular?
It had dates with everyone!
What do you call a café for fish?
Bubble-tea Haven!
Why did the café painting get famous?
It had frame-worthy latte art!
What’s a café’s favorite car?
A Honda Civi-coffee!
Why was the café broom always working?
It couldn’t sweep the competition!
How does a café end the day?
With final sip-erations!
